forgetting the fifth

Crispijn van de Passe’s complete engraving including the arrest, torture and execution of the conspirators (1606)

When I wrote the first version of this a couple of years ago, I started by saying – though without a huge amount of confidence – that even now (or then) most British kids knew the first line of the rhyme that begins, Remember, Remember, the 5th of November, even if they didn’t know the rest of it. I’m even less sure that’s true now. The segue between Halloween and Christmas is imperceptible now, mostly because there is no segue to perceive. This year, for the first time that I’ve noticed (I’m not saying it was the first time it’s happened), shops put out their aisles of Halloween and Christmas junk simultaneously at the beginning of October. And – and this has probably happened every year for a while – Christmas-themed adverts began screening on TV on the first of November.

Traditions always come and go and it’s interesting to see how quickly they can become established – I deliberately didn’t use the phrase “the Christmas adverts” above, but it is now a thing, an annual event almost that is discussed in newspapers (themselves a sort of tradition whose days are surely numbered?) and on TV as if they are news. It seems ironic though that the phrase “spooky season” has become established in popular usage in almost the same way as ‘the festive season,’ at a time when the UK’s spookiest celebration has died away and the ‘season’ the phrase refers to is essentially one evening.

Kids not knowing more than the first (or first two –  “Remember, Remember, the 5th of November/Gunpowder, treason and plot”) lines of that old rhyme is nothing new: even when I was a child – at which point November the 5th was still a date that seemed on a par, magnitude-wise with Halloween (in fact in some ways Halloween felt like a warm-up for November 5th, which was more spectacular) I was extremely sketchy on where the verse goes after that and even now I’d have to look it up to find out.

 What I always liked about November the 5th as a child – not that I would have thought to put it this way – was its ambiguity. It was a celebration, clearly, but a celebration with something like Halloween’s horrific overtones. And Guy Fawkes was its star, but it would be wrong to call him its hero – you don’t burn heroes in effigy. But then calling him a villain doesn’t really work either. A villain that you’re introduced to, not by their evil deeds, like Dracula or Hitler, but by watching them, already defeated, being burned to death, can only be so scary. There was also a kind of veneration of the effigy – then just known as the Guy (which was vanishing even when I was quite young), where having a really good, lifelike Guy to burn made the night especially satisfying. So children kind of liked him. As a ritual, it was satisfying; Fawkes was not like Freddy Kruger or Jason Vorhees – once Guy was burned, he stayed burned, until next year. It’s obviously reactionary too – a ritual that celebrates the destruction of a rebel and the preservation of the status quo. But at the same time, the aim of the rebel was not some kind of egalitarian peasant’s revolt, but the replacement of a repressive Protestant monarchy with a repressive Catholic one; so it’s nicely complicated.

The burning is itself interesting – a kind of cleansing ritual that feels related to the 17th century in which Fawkes died – and most associated with the execution of witches. But although it’s period-appropriate, it’s notably not how the real Guy was killed. It was perhaps chosen for the slightly prosaic reason that it was related to another now-dead seasonal tradition; in the days before local councils in Britain sent squads armed with shovels and sacks around parks to tidy up and collect dead leaves, the leaves used to be swept into piles and burned. The smell of smouldering foliage was once as much a part of the autumn-to-winter transition as early sunsets and morning mists. In that sense, Guy Fawkes had almost become a surrogate elemental like the Easter Bunny; but a symbol not of Spring and rebirth/renewal but of the death of nature and the welcoming of winter as its dark days began to encroach. Being bound to the season and the ritual, annually entering the celebrations as a prisoner, defeated but not yet despatched, he could be seen as kind of a sad and sympathetic figure. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

a murky, mid-19th century painting of children with a ‘Guy’, painted by Thomas Webster (1800 – 1886)
November the 5th – known variously, as late as the 1980s and among older people even today, as “Bonfire Night,” “Fireworks Night” and “Guy Fawkes Night” is no longer anything like as big as Halloween. Halloween itself is in some ways – commercially and in on online sense, socially – bigger than ever. At the same time, in the UK it’s become quite diminished as a folkloric, British celebration, reduced instead to an opportunity for adults to dress in a humorous/sexy way and for kids to the trade a stock phrase (or more romantically, a magic code) in return for some sweets. The November 5th I remember felt as ancient and immutable as Christmas, Easter or Yugoslavia – but like at least one of those it was actually in the late stages of a transitional and final phase – along, perhaps, with a more community-centric way of life more generally.

I thought I remembered the Ladybird book – a hugely popular series of small-format books for young children published from the 1940s to the 80s – devoted to the Gunpowder Plot, but now that I look it up I’m not so sure. The pictures look possibly familiar, but I don’t remember James I being referenced in the title and I don’t remember ever seeing Fawkes referred to as ‘Guy Fox’  as per the text. But the fact that I do remember having a Gunpowder Plot book and this not being it only testifies to the popularity of the story.

popular 1960s Ladybird book for young children
In my earliest memories of Bonfire Night, people tended to have bonfires in their gardens – not everyone (my family never did, even when we had a garden) – usually a few families would congregate in whichever friend or neighbour’s garden was biggest. Generally, there was an effigy of Guy Fawkes to put on the fire – by then really just any kind of human shaped figure. The 17th century costume was in all but the most extravagant cases limited to a tall paper hat, though I do remember once seeing shoes with cardboard, silver-painted buckles, which was a nice touch. Generally, some fireworks would be set off – a handful of rockets and maybe a Roman Candle (always a sadly inferior firework, to child-me) and a Catherine Wheel.

That’s the time – early 80s presumably – that my most vivid Guy Fawkes memories come from. Mostly they are cornily nostalgic memories; wrapping potatoes in foil and putting them in the edge of the bonfire – when they came out, they usually still had a raw-ish look, but occasionally were completely charred; both ways you could somehow taste the foil and yet they were delicious – or toasting marshmallows. There was that strange (sometimes slightly nauseating) sensation where the front of your face and body were almost too hot from the glare of the fire while your back was freezing from the November night air. Kids messed around (more or less carefully, or at least I don’t remember any burns or accidents) with sparklers, making shapes or trying to write things in the air.

1960s Guy Fawkes mask of the type that inspired David Lloyd, artist of V for Vendetta
Less corny are the more peculiar, Wicker Man-like memories of watching the Guy itself as it caught fire; which makes me realise how rarely – thankfully – people watch a human (shaped) figure burst into flames. A surreal experience really – and the better or more realistic the Guy, the more exciting it all was; which is far more disturbing to consider as an adult than it ever was to watch as a child.  As mentioned above, the historical Guy Fawkes wasn’t executed by burning. He was sentenced to be hanged, drawn and quartered, but thankfully, due to the ineptitude (or possibly the mercy) of the executioner, he died during the hanging and so escaped the fate shared by three of his fellow conspirators on the 21st of January, 1606. They, like Fawkes were hanged, but they were cut down while still alive before having their genitals cut off and intestines pulled out (preferably while aware enough to see it), before being beheaded and cut into four pieces which were then prominently displayed in the city. All of which would all be a bit difficult to turn into an annual ritual for kids.

the ultimate fate of the Gunpowder Plot conspirators, as depicted by Crispijn van de Passe in 1606
But even if hanging a Guy had been less impractical, it would anyway be far less spectacular on a dark winter evening than burning one on a bonfire. But the burning of the Guy was the culmination of the Guy Fawkes celebration, not the totality of it. More so than Halloween, the lead up to November the 5th and the sense of growing excitement was a part of the whole occasion. For a week or so before the night itself, the bonfires would be built, most excitingly the big municipal ones. A pile of old furniture and assorted wooden rubbish and cardboard boxes would appear in the local park, getting bigger daily – this practice pretty much stopped during my teens when I was less interested, so my knowledge of where the stuff came from and who was involved in organising it is shadowy. Part of the ritual, at least in the 80s – prompted by the popular BBC kids’ TV show Blue Peter – was also the daily checking of the future bonfire for hedgehogs, to ensure that the only victim of the fire was a surrogate human.

Guy Fawkes lore in Robert Westall’s The Machine Gunners (1975)
There was also the constructing of the Guy itself. I’m not sure now if I actually remember people going door to door asking for ‘a Penny for the Guy,’ in the build-up to Guy Fawkes Night, or if that’s something I just know about from books, TV and the reminiscences of my parents and other older people. This involved the highly unlikely-since-the-90s spectacle of kids or teenagers going door to door, collecting money or more often, old clothes in order to make the best possible effigy to burn. I do remember my parents donating old clothes for the purpose, but the circumstances are too vague to be sure. I do know that as I got older, the family bonfire parties and fireworks in the garden gave way to bigger and more spectacular (and therefore initially far more exciting) municipal fireworks displays and bonfires in parks. By the early 1990s, these were becoming less impressive and the Guy – the best or at least the most unique and strangest part of the whole thing – was often missed out altogether. Regulations about the use of fireworks got tighter – admittedly for good reasons – and fireworks themselves therefore became much harder to get and more expensive. And then at some point, more or less unnoticed by my teenage self, the whole thing just stopped happening. But bonfire/fireworks/Guy Fawkes night lives on in two strange ways.

Firstly, fireworks. For decades, November 5th was the occasion for fireworks in the UK and even though latterly New Year has taken that place, there seems to be some kind of residual racial memory in the country’s youth (not just its youth; the advertising of fireworks, albeit in a severely compromised way, still begins in October) and fireworks are randomly set off for the few days either side of November 5th – I saw/heard some last night. Somewhere, perhaps in the more aggressively conservative parts of the UK, there must still be council-run fireworks displays on the 5th too, but there definitely aren’t around here.

Hugo Weaving in Guy Fawkes regalia as V in V for Vendetta (2005)
Secondly, thanks to James McTeigue/the Wachowskis’ lame 2005 movie adaptation of Alan Moore and David Lloyd’s brilliant 1982-5 comic V For Vendetta and the subsequent appropriation of V’s mask by the ‘hacktivist’ group Anonymous, the iconic face of Guy Fawkes is more famous around the world now than it has ever been. V in the film looks perfect, and the excellent central performance by Hugo Weaving highlights what a missed opportunity it was – but never mind. The film has led to a strange situation where the traditional face of Guy Fawkes (see the Ladybird illustration above) is probably recognised by more people than at any time in history, whereas probably fewer people than ever before know who the mask represents. By the time I was a child, Guy Fawkes masks were no longer (as far as I remember) widely available in shops they had been in Moore & Lloyd’s youth, but children of my generation still have recognised the face (especially with the tall hat) as that of Guy Fawkes.

Guido “Guy” Fawkes (centre), c.1606, by Crispijn van de Passe
What everyone knew when I was a kid, and maybe children still know (?), is that Guy Fawkes was a criminal who was caught red-handed with a huge quantity of explosives an was tortured and executed for his part in a plot against the government and monarchy (which in the early 1600s were still inseparable). His capture meant that he became the most high-profile member – although not the leader – of a group who planned to destroy Parliament (specifically the House of Lords) with gunpowder and, in the process, kill the King (James VI/I).

I assume that the instantly recognisable smiling, moustached face immortalised in V ultimately derives from the famous print (c.1606) by the Dutch engraver Crispijn van de Passe, which shows eight of the thirteen conspirators involved in the Gunpowder Plot. It’s the only contemporary depiction of Fawkes, but it wouldn’t have been especially accurate; drawn for an audience in the Netherlands, it shows all of the conspirators with roughly the same face and the artist would never have seen the men himself. Thomas Bates, Robert Winter, Christopher Wright, John Wright, Thomas Percy, Guy Fawkes, the ringleader Robert Catesby and Thomas Winter all look like the archetypal Jacobean gentleman and, perhaps ironically, look very like the standard representation of that other 17th century folk anti-hero, the Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins. They were wealthy gentlemen and probably looked much, in dress and general appearance, like the men who sat in judgement against them. Although the ‘Catesby Conspiracy’ is a familiar phrase from history books, only one of the men has a famous name – and only he was destined to be burned in effigy for three centuries. Why Guy? He wasn’t the most senior member of the conspiracy – but he was the one who was caught, with the gunpowder near the scene of the crime. And also he had the best and strangest name.

In V for Vendetta, the use of a Guy Fawkes mask for the story’s protagonist – a libertarian anarchist rebelling against a Totalitarian state – was a brainwave of artist David Lloyd which in retrospect seems so obvious that it’s surprising it wasn’t part of the original idea. But though Lloyd’s point of view (sorry, paraphrasing, I don’t have the book in front of me) was that Fawkes should be celebrated, not reviled for trying to blow up Parliament, that only goes so far. Guy Fawkes is fascinating because he’s one of the very few genuine anti-heroes in British history. The goal of Fawkes and his co-conspirators wasn’t the establishment of some kind of egalitarian co-operative, but the restoration of an absolutist Catholic monarchy; a Theocracy in which the King inherits some of the powers of God (specifically, the power to absolve sins – I was an adult before I discovered that ‘absolutist’ didn’t refer to the monarch’s political power).

Henry Perronnet Briggs – The Discovery of the Gunpowder Plot and the Taking of Guy Fawkes 1820
Had the conspiracy succeeded, Fawkes probably wouldn’t be particularly famous himself, though Catesby might be. But the conspirators would be among the most important people in British history. They would no doubt be just as reviled by some as Fawkes has been, and also venerated by others, not as martyrs, but saints. And the Britain I’m living in now might well be a Britain where there was never a Civil War (and even if there had been, it wouldn’t have been the same one), that was never a constitutional monarchy – that maybe had no Act of Union and who knows, possibly no British Empire? Or again, a very different British Empire – but whatever, we would now be living in an unimaginably different present.

We can never know; so probably it is still worth remembering the 5th of November, in all its grotesqueness and ambiguity, neither as something to really celebrate or to mourn, but as one of those weird crossroads in history. And worth remembering poor old villainously-heroic Guy Fawkes, who probably foresaw some kind of strange new world, but not the one he would star so prominently in.

A shop assistant in Slough with a selection of Guy Fawkes masks, October 1934. (Photo by William Vanderson/Fox Photos/Getty Images)

confessions of a godless heathen

Percy Bysshe Shelley, 1819, by Amelia Curran

Ignore the sensationalist headline; there are no confessions here, and I’m not a heathen, I’m an atheist. When I was a teenage atheist, one of my main issues with the idea of god had been neatly summed up well over a century earlier by Shelley in The Necessity of Atheism (1811):

If God wishes to be known, cherished, thanked, why does he not show himself under his favourable features to all these intelligent beings by whom he wishes to be loved and adored? Why not manifest himself to the whole earth in an unequivocal manner, much more capable of convincing us than these private revelations which seem to accuse the Divinity of an annoying partiality for some of his creatures? The all−powerful, should he not heave more convincing means by which to show man than these ridiculous metamorphoses, these pretended incarnations, which are attested by writers so little in agreement among themselves?

As an adult atheist I still think that, but I think a lot of other things too. I should possibly point out here that though I don’t believe in any deities, the god I primarily didn’t and don’t believe in was the Christian one, simply because that’s the one who most prominently didn’t and doesn’t exist in my own personal experience. My lack of any kind of religious belief is something I’ve given a lot of thought to over the years and mentioned many times in passing on this website. I’ve never written specifically about it, but several things I’ve recently come across made me want to. One is the slightly dubious, clickbaity claim that (as one headline put it) “God is back” and that Gen Z (or some such amorphous group) is embracing the Catholic church. I’m sure that to some extent that’s true, as the Catholic church is just as evident as always, the choosing of a new Pope is TV news etc, but it’s also true that there have been other, substantially similar news stories about Gen Z embracing astrology and conspiracy theories and feminism and anti-feminism and fretting about world war three. None of those things are mutually exclusive of course (most of them should be; maybe feminism & anti-feminism actually are), and what it seems to add up to is that kind of end-times malaise normally associated with the end of a century or millennium.

I feel like it’s necessary to take those kinds of stories with a pinch of salt though, simply because over the years I’ve read all kinds of similar stories about Gen X which occasionally apply to me and often don’t, but in either case I’ve never been asked my opinion in order to gauge it and neither I presume have most people. And since every generation seems to spawn its own Nazis, centrists, communists and anti-fascists and everything in between, its philanthropists, misanthropes and bystanders, its religious zealots, libertines and atheists (etc, etc, ad nauseam), it seems fair to assume that any theory about a generation, just like any theory about a gender, race or sexuality is going to involve the kinds of generalisations which, once really examined, make the whole theory redundant. Presumably, church attendances are on the rise, but does that mean that belief is on the rise, or just that the desire for belief – quite a different thing – is? Or both? Who knows.

Alongside that, not coincidentally, more and more (inevitably right wing) politicians have been yammering on at first in the USA and now here, about “Judeo-Christian” values. It seems that this is mostly because they don’t like foreigners and Islam and are immune to irony. Because in insisting on the values of two ancient foreign religions from what we now in the West call the Middle East and denying the very similar values of another, very similar (though not quite as ancient) religion also from what we now call the Middle East does seem ironic, especially when one is tying it in with one’s national identity. There’s been a growing rhetoric (again, on the right) that suggests that Christians are becoming an oppressed minority in the UK, which is both tiresome and laughable but nicely (and again not coincidentally) complements the growth of a men’s rights movement that claims feminism (which, like atheism has arguably only recently began to have a fairly minor influence if any on the power structures underlying British society) has ‘gone too far’ and all that fun stuff.

Although my attitude has changed over the years, I don’t think my views really have. I genuinely think that it’s terrible and damaging that all over the world people are punished or ostracised or oppressed or killed or made to feel bad about themselves for offending arbitrary rules established in the name of imaginary beings. And in a way worse, the idea that there are omniscient, omnipotent beings who would be offended by actions which they must have foreseen at the moment of creation but decided to allow anyway, in order to punish them.

That kind of thing seems to be the basis of a lot of atheist polemic. Sometimes I find it entertaining and (depending on the writer) interesting, but, even while still believing every word of it, and feeling that it’s worth insisting on if asked about my views, as a middle aged atheist I wonder about the usefulness of saying it polemically at all. Because – for me at least – the opposite of religious faith isn’t science and logic (though I do believe in those), it’s simply non-faith. And I’m not sure there’s much to learn from that.

It’s not an argument that strengthens any cause, let alone mine, but I have come to think that lack of belief in a god or gods is just as instinctive, reflexive and fundamental as faith in them is. My mother was a Christian in her youth (in an atheist household, oddly for the 1950s) to the point where she considered becoming a nun. During her life, she wavered from various kinds of Christianity, to Taoism and Buddhism and a kind of vague paganism, but – and I think this is the most important point – although she lost her faith in many belief systems over the years, she never lost her essential faith in some kind of benevolent god or spirit at the heart of creation. For me it’s almost the opposite.

I have always been very interested in religions from Animism to Zoroastrianism in the exact same way that I’ve always been interested in mythology (I don’t really distinguish between the two) and I find pretty much all religions to some degree fascinating. I love churches and places of worship, I love the atmosphere of ‘holy’ places (even pre-historic places we now assume were once sacred) and I love the imagery and paraphernalia of religions, in the exact same way I love art and history. But it’s good that I’ve never wanted to belong to a faith or to become involved with those mythologies, because I can’t remember a time when I ever believed in even the possibility that a deity of any kind was an actual, real thing. Santa Claus either for that matter, although presumably at some pre-remembered point I did believe in him (Him?)

I have no idea where my lack of faith came from but I can pinpoint when I first became aware of it. I went to three ordinary Scottish primary schools, which in the 1980s meant reciting the Lord’s Prayer every morning before the class started. Not surprisingly, I still remember most of it, though mysteriously I can’t work out which bit I thought in my childhood mentioned snot; I was quite deaf then, but I definitely remember a snot reference, which always seemed odd. In my memory that daily recital was just part of a greater daily ritual which also involved (in the early years) chanting the alphabet and (through all of Primary school) greeting the teacher in monotone unison (The phonetic version of Mrs expresses it more accurately) “GOOD MOR-NING ‘MI-SIZ WAT-SON” or whoever the teacher happened to be – seemingly there were no male Primary School teachers in my day.

I have surprisingly sharp memories of looking round the class during the morning prayer to see who else didn’t have their eyes closed – there were usually a few of us, and sometimes we would try to make each other laugh – but a key part of that memory for me is the sureness of the feeling that I wasn’t talking to anybody. The praying itself wasn’t something I questioned or minded – if anything I quite liked it. It didn’t feel at all ‘bad’ or rebellious not to believe, it just never occurred to me at any point that god was real and might be listening, any more than I remember feeling that the notes put up the chimney to Santa would be read by an old man with a red suit and white beard, or that the carrot for Rudolph would be eaten by an actual reindeer.

At school we went to church (I think) three times a year – at Christmas, Easter and (an anomaly) Harvest Festival – and so folk horror-ish paraphenalia like corn dollies are always associated with church in my mind. The sermons were boring, as were some of the hymns, although others, the ones where the kids invariably sang the wrong lyrics, were fun – but I liked (and like) churches. I liked the musty, chilly smell and the wooden pews and the acoustics and the stained glass windows and especially the holiday feeling of being at school but not at school. And, though they only came into school life at these times of year I liked the Bible stories too. It seems funny now, but until well into adulthood the image that the word ‘Palestine’ summoned in my mind was an illustration of Jesus wandering around in pink and turquoise robes; I presume it’s from some forgotten book of Bible stories. But to me, stories – sometimes good ones (in the case of the early days of Moses and the last days of Jesus, very good ones), sometimes boring ones, are all that they were.
But where does lack of belief come from? The same place, presumably as belief.

Bowie in 1976 by Michael Marks

In Word on a Wing (1976), one of my favourite David Bowie songs – also I think one of his most deeply felt and certainly one of his most open and revealing songs – Bowie, then in LA and in the middle of a drug-fuelled existential crisis but soon to withdraw to Berlin to live a relatively austere and private life, sings:
Just because I believe
Don′t mean I don′t think as well
Don’t have to question everything in heaven or hell

 

For me, that sums up (non-blind) faith perfectly. Essentially, it’s what Keats (those romantics again!) summarised as ‘negative capability’ (“Negative Capability, that is, when a man is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason” – from an 1817 letter to his brothers) but applied to one of the most fundamental human impulses. I completely respect it and see what both Keats and Bowie mean by it, but it’s completely alien to me. Well, not completely: I don’t need to know how a jet engine works to travel by plane, I do indeed have ‘faith’ in it, but what the (nowadays many) commentators who characterise scientific belief as a kind of religious faith seem to overlook is that I don’t believe it because a scientist says it’s true, but because I can actually travel on a jet plane, and even before I did travel on a jet plane I could see that other people travelled on jet planes, that planes really do fly and engines really do work. Which seems like the build up to some kind of New Atheism gotcha of the ‘if God is real why doesn’t he just prove it’ type popular in the 2000s (essentially a more sneery version of the Shelley quote). but that’s not really me either. Although I am definitely an actual ‘speculative atheist’ and I suppose even an ‘atheist fundamentalist’ and though I genuinely do believe that the world and humanity would be better off without religion, I’m just not sure how much better off it would be.

It’s not that the New Atheists were wrong (or even new, thinking again of Shelley). Most of the arguments that were raised against them are easily picked apart. The idea that there is no morality without religion is so obviously wrong that it seems pointless even to argue against it. The same basics of morality (murder and stealing and cheating and lying are bad, treat people as you wish to be treated etc) are and have been all but universal, though not without different nuances, throughout history and throughout world cultures.
But the problem with lack of faith as certainty (and for myself I really am certain about it) is that its arguments, though more logical – at least up to a point, as we shall see – have precisely as much effect on the certainty of faith as the arguments of faith have on the certainty of non-faith. Logic is no help here.

From my point of view, in the certain absence of a god or gods, religion is purely human and therefore many of the (in themselves solid) arguments against it are kind of a cop-out. It’s not unreasonable to find it laughable that a supreme supernatural being should care what food you eat on which days, or what you wear or how you like to have your hair. It seems bizarre that an almighty creator who could presumably do whatever it liked, would take the time to tell humans which crops they prefer to have planted where or that male masturbation is bad rather than simply preventing the possibility of rule-breaking ‘at source’. But the omnipresent invisible elephant in the room is that whether or not a god really felt or feels strongly about these things, whether or not a god had them written down in words, they really were written down in words, by human beings, some of whom definitely did want these rules to exist and to be enforced. And it’s human beings that still enforce them. Also, it’s just as true that primarily secular or entirely secular societies also have rules and customs regarding things like clothing, food, hairstyles and even names, although they rarely come with threats of severe retribution and never with the threat of ongoing retribution after death. And yes, many of these customs – like the acceptable length of women’s skirts in western society – ultimately derive from religious directives, but any authoritarian society, not only theocracies or weird, nominally religious ones like Nazi Germany, but even states where religion is completely anathema like Stalinist Russia, Communist East Germany or the North Korea under its current regime are hardly relaxed about the individual’s freedom of expression.

Religious wars and religious persecution are bad, not because they are religious per se, but because wars and persecution are bad. Wars and persecution may often be provoked by religion, but surely if like me you don’t believe in god, then blaming that non-existent creature for religious wars is just euphemistic buck-passing bullshit? The Crusades were horrific, bloody and unjustifiable, but to blame “Christianity” for them, rather than Christians, that is, actual European human beings, is like blaming, or giving credit to, Tengri for Genghis Khan’s conquest of vast tracts of Asia, or suggesting that Jupiter, Neptune and co enabled the Romans to found their empire. “Catholicism” didn’t create the Spanish Inquisition any more than the concept of Nazism created the Holocaust or Islam as a belief system resulted in 9/11 or the Taliban. Left to themselves, religions, ideologies and philosophies don’t do anything; they just sit there. And they all have one common denominator, and it’s not a deity.

This morning, I saw that the Pope had made a statement that some policy or other of the current US administration is “un-Christian and un-American.” Well. I am glad to see anyone with any kind of authority challenging inhumane, intolerant and fascistic regimes. But those actions are only un-Christian insofar as Christ himself wouldn’t like them, according to the Bible. But Christ was one single man-god who acted a certain way and said certain things. All manner of atrocities are entirely in keeping with the actions of two millennia of Christians. As for un-American, again, the acts the Pope condemns are not compatible with the statements made by the founding fathers of the Unites States of America; but they are probably no worse than the actions carried out by those same founding fathers in their lives or many of the successive governments of the USA. Or indeed many, many other governments in the world. And, to be all New Atheism about it, when it comes to the welfare of children for instance, it’s not like the Catholic church itself has an impressive record. Does that mean the Pope shouldn’t condemn things or that American people shouldn’t try to hold their government to account using the egalitarian rules set down when the country was founded? Of course not; but invoking some kind of imaginary, ideal standard of behaviour really shouldn’t be necessary to do so. There’s human decency after all

Another (non-conclusive, because none of them are) argument for the human, rather than divine nature of religion is that the religions that have survived the longest and strongest in the modern world are those which are most compatible with it. The paternalistic, to varying degrees misogynistic Abrahamic religions all defer their ultimate spiritual rewards (but more on the non-ultimate ones later) until after death. They have no in-built expectation of much material happiness or contentment on this plane of existence and to varying extents they actually value hardship, while prioritising men within the earthly realm. Well, the paths that led us to 21st century culture, especially imperialism and capitalism, are fine with all that. Work and strive now, happiness comes later, unless you are one of the privileged few. Communism in theory isn’t fine with that, but naturally, having been formulated during the Industrial Revolution, when the vast mass of people were already oppressed by a tiny ruling class (itself a mirror image of the earlier rule of Church & monarchical elite vs peasant majority), it is defined by its opposition to capitalism. Early Communism therefore took hardship as a given (there is no proletariat without it) and, in lieu of heaven, deferred the payoff of universal prosperity and equality to some future time when the world revolution has been achieved and all opposition to itself removed. It’s a cliché to say that communism is itself a kind of religion, but the parallels are unignorably consistent; trust the leaders, put up with the shit now, eventually if we’re true to our cause it’ll all work out, if those heretics don’t spoil it.

On the other hand, various older kinds of religions, animism and ‘earth mother’ paganism and so on, value (quite logically) the need to look after the world we live in. It’s not that the religions of the book explicitly say not to, but they aren’t primarily concerned with this world – and imperialism and capitalism and even communism, which have other uses for the material world than care and stewardship, have historically all been fine with that. It’s somehow not very surprising that the aspects of non-Christian religions that became most taboo during the age of imperialism, and therefore attributed to “savage” or primitive cultures – human sacrifice, cannibalism, idol worship and so on – should be parts of Christianity itself. Without human sacrifice, even if it’s only the sacrifice of one special token human, there is no Christianity. The divinity of Christ kind of goes without saying – that’s what makes it a religion. But his humanity is what makes him more than just the old Testament god. And insisting on his humanity inevitably made the eating of his flesh and drinking of his blood controversial. But seriously, whether someone believes they are literally eating the flesh and drinking the blood of an actual human being or only symbolically doing so, it’s a cannibalistic ritual just as atavistic and visceral as any of the imagined horrors that the Christians of the crusading period or the Europeans who spread their faith across the world believed they had encountered. It doesn’t seem too fanciful to say that what really horrified those Christians was the discovery that things they saw as fundamental to their own civilisation might be just as fundamental to civilisations that they had to believe were inherently inferior in order to destroy them.

Monkey (1979) Buddhism & Taoism that was fun for kids

The fact that there are analogous stories to those in the Bible throughout history and world cultures (death, rebirth, sacrifice, enlightenment) suggests that whether or not one has any faith in these stories, they aren’t ‘just’ stories. In fact, a lesson that stayed with me (because it suits my personality I suppose) from the 70s TV show Monkey, based on Wu Cheng’en’s 16th century novel, Journey to the West – something like “winners make losers, therefore remove yourself from competitions” purports to be from a Taoist religious text. Eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge (I like to think a banana) and paying the unexpected price for it is, even as a mythological story, one that has real life analogies all through human history. I remember as a child when plastic coca cola bottles began to replace glass ones. It seemed futuristic and in a weird way utopian – lightweight like a can but resealable, far less risk to your drink if you dropped it than a glass bottle; less broken glass in the streets and parks. Whether or not scientists were already concerned with the problem of plastic’s lifespan or the sheer accumulation of it I don’t know, but kids weren’t, for a few years at least. Which has nothing to do with religion – but the attempt to do good turning out not only to be bad, but to be something that has to be dealt with and paid for down the generations is hardly an alien one. And in this case it was made worse not by religion, but by the inability or unwillingness of people under capitalism (myself included) to distinguish between convenience in the sense of people not having to waste half of their lives in drudgery and convenience in the sense of not having to get up to change TV channels. There’s probably a parable in there somewhere.

A favourite anti-atheist argument is the ‘intelligent design’/watchmaker one. It’s clearly an empty argument, but my counter arguments would only be convincing to an atheist – and not even to all atheists. The argument, put simplistically, that because a watch, or a computer, or anything human-made and complex didn’t just evolve on its own, but had to be consciously invented, therefore means that life, earth and everything else must have been consciously invented too requires an obvious leap of logic. The universe is not a machine, life is not the same as battery life.

The most complex things in our world seem to be human beings, and human beings also produce other human beings, often with no conscious thought and rarely with any kind of design at all. People are accidentally invented all the time. The idea that creation is accidental or ‘just happens’ is hardly a difficult one to grasp. The people that people produce are every bit as complex as their parents and grandparents, but only occasionally, and in the most superficial way, are they designed. Worse than that, logically, we know how humans are created, but even so it’s hardly unusual for them to be produced even when the people doing it very much desire not to do so. To look at the way that the most complex creations on earth are usually made and to label it “intelligent design” would be a strange thing to do, since it doesn’t necessarily include much intelligence or any actual design. Of course that doesn’t prove that things weren’t originally designed, but the gulf between organic living things and intelligently designed things as we experience them, even at the beginning of the AI age, is so fundamentally different that you might as well argue that a cat must have designed clouds because you once saw a cloud that was cat-shaped.

As mentioned in passing before, it’s popular among a certain kind of (usually, but not exclusively right-wing, American) Christian to compare ‘faith’ in science to faith in god, which is a false equivalence, for the jet plane kind of reasons mentioned above – but although I do believe science to be superior in every way to religion – because it learns from experience, for one thing – I do sometimes wonder whether it suffers from being (this sounds very different from how I mean it) homocentric (is ‘anthropocentric’ better? It sounds worse) in a similar kind of way. I remember learning (in a very basic way) about the big bang at school and asking the teacher, not unreasonably I think, *what* was supposed to have exploded and where that came from and being told “that isn’t a scientifically interesting question.” Well, quite possibly all the teacher meant is that at the current time any answer to that question must be pure speculation of a non-mathematical kind, but teen-me felt that it was basically “science works in mysterious ways” and he/I didn’t like that.

Somewhere in this article I had been going to say that Shakespeare was was as right as anybody when he wrote “Nothing will come from nothing” but now that I’ve reached this point I wonder whether being creatures that are born, who come from somewhere, who live for a while, who are subject to time and then who die and stop existing (or go somewhere else) shapes our understanding of everything. I do believe in the big bang because the evidence around us confirms its likelihood. The universe started, it expanded and at some point it will end. The idea of something that just is, forever, or that exists outside of time, whatever that would mean, seems as incomprehensible as non-existence does. That things, including human beings do stop existing is in one way obvious – but things breaking down, decomposing, changing from one form to another and (romantically) melding with the universe or (prosaically) enriching the soil or whatever is a process that is understandable. The personality and individual human consciousness switching off and simply not existing is the hard part to take in. As far as we can tell this isn’t a change in energy type, the electrical impulses that are us don’t seem go anywhere or do anything. But maybe that whole frame of reference; beginning, middle, end isn’t everything, it’s just the limits of human understanding. Which doesn’t, to me, imply the existence of any kind of creator or supreme being, just that there’s scope there for whatever you care to imagine but which you can never truly know. Keats would be fine with that.

Similarly, to apply logic to the existence of god will always be self-defeating, because logic is (as far as we know) a specifically human way of explaining the universe to its/our own satisfaction. The laws of physics and nature and mathematics do seem to work according to logic, which is very helpful for teaching and learning and science, but human beings themselves routinely defy logic in both profound and trivial ways. Many of the things that humans value most highly are completely resistant to logic, like art and god and love and money. Even something as humble as sports; one human being being able to run faster than another or play a game better than another is only dubiously something to celebrate, and if it is, then logically one might expect people to support only the best teams and athletes. If, alternatively it’s to do with identification with and loyalty to one’s own area, then fans might only be expected to support teams or athletes from the same geographical location as yourself, which is occasionally how it works, but just as often isn’t. There’s nothing especially logical about the enjoyment of a race or a game in which you aren’t involved for its own sake. Does that mean that logic is a faulty way of understanding the universe? I don’t know; but it is a faulty way of understanding human beings. The idea that god’s existence is a logical reality in a 2 x 2 = 4 way makes about as much sense as the position of the planets at the time of your birth dictating your future.

As Bowie implied, faith needn’t – and in many cases I’m sure doesn’t – preclude seriously considering the implications of one’s belief. But sometimes it does. I’ve never wanted to believe (I don’t really get why anyone would, if they don’t; which is my deficiency), but as an adult I have always wanted to understand people who do. And in general, I find it frustrating to try to do so, as two different but very similar anecdotes about my encounters with people of faith illustrate. I am aware though that these may say more about me than they do about the believers.

In my professional capacity I was once interviewing a prominent American black metal musician whose latest album went on about blasphemy a lot. Given that black metal encompasses everything from orthodox satanists to heathens and pagans and occultists and chaos magicians and nihilists, I asked what I thought was a reasonable question; what meaning does blasphemy have unless one believes in god? Doesn’t the concept of blasphemy essentially reinforce the religion it attacks by affording it some kind of legitimacy?* The musician’s response was the black metal version of these go up to eleven. I think what he actually said was “Everyone knows what blasphemy is.” And he was right I suppose, but he was also characterising his band as purveyors of simple shock and outrage to the very few people who are still shocked and outraged by blasphemy. Ho hum.*

The archetypal image of black metal, Nattefrost of Carpathian Forest, photo by Peter Beste

*this made me think of an occasion in high school where I muttered “of for god’s sake” or something like that and my maths teacher said “don’t blaspheme, William!” and I replied “it would only be blasphemy if god existed” and was given a punishment (lines). It was only years later than realised I deserved the punishment, not because of god, but because I was being a smart arse to a teacher – at the time I just felt righteously angry about the lines.

Likewise, a visit from some very pleasant Jehovah’s Witnesses left me with unexpected admiration for them, but also some frustration; they also left prematurely, which my younger self would have regarded as a victory. The respect was for their answer to the kind of question that seems like a typical smart-arse one, but I was genuinely curious. If there are only 144, 000 places in heaven in your religion (I had only recently learned that strange fact) and those are all spoken for already, why are you knocking on people’s doors trying to spread the word about your faith? I hadn’t expected their response, which was something like “Oh, we don’t expect to see heaven. Heaven is for god and the saints and angels, Earth is the paradise that god made for humans, it just needs to be fixed.” A version of Christianity that withholds the promise of paradise even after death was weird to me, but also impressive. Having a faith where you never expect to attain the best bit seems coolly ascetic, but also kind of servile, which it literally is. The fact that servility seems distasteful to me is I suppose my weakness not theirs.

I was less impressed with the response to what I felt and still feel is a serious question and not just a cynical gotcha; If god is all you say it is, all powerful, blah blah, then why create evil? There was a stock answer ready, which was to do with free will and choice, but even though there are holes to be picked in that too (the ‘free will’ of transgressors has nothing to do with the free will of their victims, what about their will?) – that wasn’t what I meant. What I was asking is, If you can do whatever you like, can see everything that has ever happened and everything that will ever happen, if you are capable, presumably, of endless satisfaction and happiness, why create ‘bad’ – or, more personally perhaps, why create even the concept of ‘things you don’t like’ at all? To that question, I got the Jehovah’s Witness version of “these go up to eleven” and a quick goodbye. But I genuinely wasn’t trying to catch them out, I really wanted to know what they thought about it, but apparently they didn’t think anything. Having said that, I can see now that I write about it, that interrogating your belief system for the benefit of a stranger who obviously isn’t going to be persuaded to join you is probably not all that attractive. Still, I didn’t knock on their door.

Guy Pearce as Peter Weyland in Ridley Scott’s Prometheus (2012) – something to aspire to?

So much of religion seems to me to be saying that that, whatever the wonders and horrors and joys and pains of life, it’s not enough and they want more. But again, that’s not exclusive to religious people. I recently saw an unsettling but also unintentionally funny video in which the PA of a shadowy, influential and incredibly wealthy figure was talking about transhumanism and his master’s ultimate Roy Batty/Weyland-from-Prometheus plan not to die at all. Which feels very sci-fi, but also very late Roman Empire. At the same time, my generation grew up with the rumour that Walt Disney’s head is in a refrigerator, awaiting medical science until he can be resurrected when the technology catches up enough. Rebirth and resurrection; there really is nothing new in human history.

detail of the crucifixion from the Isenheim altarpiece (1512 – 6) by Matthias Grünewald

All a bit bleak, maybe; but if religion only offered oppression, judgement, condemnation and war then far fewer people would devote their lives to it. And if the negative aspects of religion all exist independently of religion, then so do the positive aspects, and without the same arbitrary punishment/reward structure underlying it.

Religion offers comfort to people in distress, it offers a sense of community and belonging, it offers contact to people who feel isolated. It offers various kinds of love.  I can’t think of many artworks more moving than Matthias Grünewald’s crucifixion from the Isenheim altarpiece (1512-6), painted to comfort people who were suffering from skin diseases, by showing them the scourged Christ’s suffering, which mirrored their own. But just as the Quran didn’t issue a fatwa against Salman Rushdie and the Bible didn’t take babies from unmarried mothers and kill them and bury them in the grounds of institutions, neither do those books feed the poor, embrace the lonely, paint pictures or create a sense of community. Human beings do those things, and they do them regardless of religion. They do it in societies where religious beliefs aren’t based on the Judeo-Christian tradition and they do it in societies where religious beliefs are actively frowned on. After the dissolution of the USSR, few people were nostalgic about the food queues or the secret police, but many were nostalgic about the sense of community that came from masses of people being in the same situation together. And now that capitalism which, unlikely though it seems, is not always so far removed from Soviet communism, has created its own underclass and hierarchical power structure and pogroms and whatnot, people have also created their own communities, support groups, charities and friendships.

The one positive thing that faith offers that non-faith of my kind doesn’t, is a personal relationship with god – and that’s where we came in; you either believe or you don’t. I can completely understand that having a direct line to someone who knows you and understands you better than you know yourself, who accepts and forgives you could be nice and comforting. Maybe in pre-Christian or non-monotheistic societies that voice was the voice of the ancestors or the spirits of the trees and rivers. I can see how that would be nice too, but for myself I can’t imagine having such a thing or longing for it or even wanting it. For me, you either disbelieve or you don’t.

And maybe that’s really the strongest argument, not against faith, which there is no argument against, but against religions as institutions, as rules and directives of the kind that people are so keen to re-establish. Because if there’s one thing you can see, looking not just at the diversity of religions but at the diversity of beliefs within them, at the different ways that people relate to and communicate with their gods, it’s that god is just as personal and individual as any of its believers and disbelievers and so making an orthodoxy of it can only ever harm more people than it helps.

crafting a memory of Christmas

For as long as I can remember, Christmas has always been commercialised, and there have always been people who complain about it, but I’m not one of them. That commercialisation might have noticeably accelerated, even in the five years since I wrote the article below, but so has the commercialisation of everything else. Whereas probably my favourite traditional British celebration, Bonfire Night, has withered away thanks mainly to the fact that its most marketable feature – fireworks – have not unreasonably become harder to buy and sell, Halloween, which is infinitely marketable, has grown exponentially. But although it’s a far bigger deal – what advertisers have started to refer to as “Halloween Season” – it feels oddly diminished in spirit. That said, I doubt if children now would prefer it to go back to being just a fun night for kids to carve turnips (which now seems hilarious even though I still think turnips are more entertaining and creepy as lanterns) wear crappy home-made costumes and “entertain” strangers to get sweets or (if you were very lucky) money. Far more aggravating is the purely commercial event ‘Black Friday,’ which has no business existing outside of the USA where it’s tied to Thanksgiving, but inevitably arrived here and this year, for the first time (that I’ve noticed) was referred to on TV adverts as “Black Friday season.” That doesn’t even make sense. Ah well. On to Christmas, and the year that I had broken my leg in November.

It’s mid-December as I write this and the farmyards, the stately homes and recently converted stable blocks and steadings of rural Fife are aglow with rustic Christmas ‘Fayres’. Leaving aside the fact that I’m clattering around the cobblestones on crutches, what could be more festive and redolent of Christmas past than the twinkling lights, the smell of trees, the mulled apple juice and stalls selling home baking, handmade decorations, crafts of all varieties? Sitting on a low straw bale – you forget how hard straw is – in the corner of a huge barn, next to an old cable reel (now a makeshift table), it’s easy to forget that this is – to me at least – all relatively new. It feels both very archaic and very now.

Ancient barn walls, lumpy and whitewashed and high above, a new corrugated iron roof, halogen strip lights glowing far more brightly than the dreich pewtery daylight that gleams in the small inset windows overhead. In the barn, a kind of fantasy village square has been erected in four aisles; stalls with red and white striped awnings and, in the main thoroughfare, a huge Christmas tree, wide, dark and feathery in its own little low-fenced enclosure, pulling the huge space in towards itself with outstretched maypole-like tendrils of tinsel, braided with fairy lights, a benign still centre around which a river of human traffic flows noisily.

Woodcrafts, papercrafts, ceramics, chocolate, textiles –  this is a handmade version of Christmas that feels traditional and olde worlde (cinnamon and orange slices floating in the apple juice; carol singers rising above the sound of the generators) while also being extremely fashionable and 21st century. It’s a secular Christmas, albeit one that is characterised by both pagan and Christian accoutrements. This Christmas is genuinely welcoming to all, which is I suppose the ‘real meaning’ if there has to be one; really, sharing Christmas with everyone else is the least the little baby Jesus can do for hijacking a pagan winter festival.

Technically there is commerce here as everywhere else, but the tupperware tubs of coins and the brown paper bags and recycled, hand-stamped business cards hardly feel ‘commercialised’ in the He-Man and Transformers sense of the childhood Christmases that I remember (or indeed in the sense of the relentless “Christmas adverts” which unbelievably but cleverly, seem to be a talking point in themselves now. With typical irony, the Christmas industry (I think it can safely be called that) favours the same pre-industrial image of the festival that these self-consciously rustic fayres try to embody). It’s all very twee and, to reinforce that tweeness, I’ll say it’s kind of an upcycled (eye roll) memory of Christmas that almost certainly doesn’t bear much resemblance to anything that the stallholders and organisers at the fayres remember, let alone the executives from John Lewis and Tesco and Lidl. In fact, if anything, it feels like an attempt to create Christmas as it has been depicted in cards and calendars since time immemorial.*

But, as willed and artificial as all this seems, it will one day be the (or at least a) genuine memory of childhood Christmases for all of these kids who are roaming around looking at their phones in the draughty barns and muddy farmyards, looking bored (teens), excited (toddlers) or vaguely bemused and drinking their hot chocolate  – and that’s kind of nice.

* that is, the late 19th century